"I want to die in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, like the passengers in his car"

First off, apologies for the lack of blogging lately, blame Bill Gates.

Moving on from my last entry, which was a sentimental chapter for me, we were heading for Alona beach known around Bohol as the "mini Boracay". So, the place where we broke bones, slept rough and had a bit of an incident with fire and water, we were going back to a smaller version of this. I had a feeling the results would be the same, just a lot more noticable.

We got to the beach and B goes off looking for a place to stay, while I hold up the bar with a rum and coke, I wanted a Malibu, just to be cultural with the palm trees and coconuts falling everywhere.

*Random fact - More people are killed by falling coconuts then they are by getting hit by cars.

A place has been found, apparently it's a new place so they charge us fairly cheap for a decent room, it's a double bed with tv and a shower. Western toilet, nicely.

B says that the Aussie lads at the bar which is part of where we are staying, have been taking the pish out of her and despite the fact I had said I was going on the dry I sat at the bar, because it was a bar alright..... and I like company......feck off I sat there cos I wanted a beer, I regret nothing.

The owner of the bar and a ridiculously drunk Aussie chap are in attendance making snide remarks about being from Ireland, they were so bad I can't actually recall them, but I'm guessing "Thurty three and a thurd" and some mologion about Boyzone was mentioned. I knocked the ball out of the park by requesting the Aussie national anthem "Rolf Harris - 2 Little boys". It seemed they enjoyed a bit of slagging back. Game on.

They were actually really sound and I have my first bar tab opened. It seems to be a local for single men or chaps who have shacked up with Philippino girls, they're all really sound. The owner, I think it's Glenn but B reckons it's Ken, was sound as a bell and was constantly drinking everyday, my kind of bar owner. Gerry was his lunatic bar fly that worked with explosives in Perth and was on his holidays. It goes without saying I never seen him sober once in 4 days. He seemed like he didn't like us at all at first, but he was broken down eventually. Stephan was a Kraut who looked very similar to Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Brian was an Aussie from Brisbane who sounded like Crocodile Dundee so straight away had my respect.

It's 5 hours later, a burger has been consumed so ultimately we feel as though we have another 5 hours in us instantly. We never leave the bar and alot of whiskey is consumed. B is dancing on the bar with no music and 4 drunk lads, 2 of whom are falling asleep and I'm being serenaded by some Philippino who can sing but just doesn't know the words, so they're humming in harmony. Christ I'm drunk. Bed time.



The following day, herself is hanging. I go for breakfast, your standard San Miguel and watch the Melbourne Cup. The day, you could say, was wasted as all I done with my day, was sit at the bar drinking and laughing. If you read that sentence again, you'll realise I wasted nothing. A great day was had.

Next day we went Dolphin watching and to a few islands 'n that. Good wholesome fun, getting up at 5am to see it, wasn't. We hit the bar again for farewell drinks with the lads who had kept us well entertained for the last 4 days (I realise I've left out a day somewhere, blame the whiskey and the tap water) We cracked Gerry from his hard exterior and found out he was really a top bloke, and B punched one of Stephans mates in a Freaky European bar while I chatted away about Rory Gallagher to a load of Belgians.

All in all Alona was sound, no broken bones, some sore heads and some free beer coolers that I may have taken from the establishment. Shhhhhhh......


Next up is a flight from Tagbilaran up to Manila again and from there we were heading to Olongapo and Subic. I had been to Subic for a day the year before on my holidays and knew they had an tiger safari, I wanted to do this!!!

The next installement is on Christmas trees in October, 3 blind mice and Good old Betty White from the "Golden Girls"



Again, sorry about the delay hopefully back up and running now, See yiz fuckers (For you Steph)