"I am proof that the Darwin awards are a myth...."

Everywhere we went and everyone we met along the way assumed me and B were a couple. It was funny at first but eventually it got a bit tedious. So I should have known better when I assumed the 2 people on our bus to the port for the ferry to Phi-Phi were a couple. The Oasis loving Shaun and the beautiful Joey, both English, had just met also. That caused a lovely awkward silence, for about 8 seconds as I just can't keep my mouth shut and can talk the paint into coming down off the walls.

We're having a beer waiting for the ferry chatting away, I give the food a miss as it's crawling away from me so we get another beer instead for wheat intake. The ferry itself is probablt the best mode of transport we've taken whilst in Asia, airplanes included, which really should have worried us a lot more than it did.

B and Joey are sleeping, me and Shaun are listening to tunes and drinking some beer, pointing out the absolute knob heads posing in their XXXSmall pink tank tops with bleached hair, creatine-d to fuck, dragging their knuckles around itching for a fight.

There was quite a few, hopefully we wouldn't be seeing too much of them as I was thinking they'd more than likely get distracted by their own reflection in something like an oncoming bus.

Unfortunately, Phi-Phi has no automobiles, only push bikes or  the very odd motorbike. You can walk the entire island very handy. I was in love with it  straight away.

Laura, the scouser from Vang Vieng met us at the port, she had booked accomodation for us in the huts beside her. Shaun decided to bunk in with us and Joey went for a dorm somewhere along the strip.

The Graham fella is about with pink shorts an' all, it must be a dare!


Something quick to eat and we're out for a few buckets. I had swore blind I'd never touch another one after tubing but all of a sudden the excuses I'm using are embarrassing me even...

-It's too warm for beer (pffft)
- It's cheaper to get a bucket
-It's cheaper to get a bucket and it's buy one get one free. I have 2 hands so it makes sense....

Everyone was using "buy one take one" as they say there, to split with someone so you were basically getting a bucket half price. Not me, 2 at a time. M150 galore. In truth, I'm an idiot.


B is still feeling rough from the wine which was only the night before, it seems ages ago. We get to this bar, it's an Irish bar.

I usually hate Irish bars outside Ireland, let's face it, I've been to many a pub around my country of birth and never ever have I seen a giant leprachaun hanging out the door saying "Pog mo thoin".

That's Irish for "kiss my arse" everyone outside Ireland seems to think that's hilarious for some reason.

In danger of going on a rant here so I'll swerve and say that a lot of the gang from tubing were here. Well, The Scousers, the Vikings, the South African beauties and people who I had met briefly, Chloe and Jasmine. An awful lot of heroes here.


I find myself wandering around, lost when out of nowhere I hear that undeniable accent. Sure wasn't it only Linda and Aoife from tubing. Is everyone from that bloody place here? They're their usual selves mucking about. Aoife slagging everything that moves and Linda being too fucked to form sentences. Classy burds'!

We end up at Slinkys, it seems to be the place everyone goes after midnight.

It's a tent with a bar and a strobe light. Perfect.

I've never been a fan of beach parties or Ibiza or any of that "Shagaluf" shite, but I really enjoyed it here. Not a knob head to be found. Everyone was really really sound and drunk, oh so drunk. I find B and she still feels tired and she just doesn't seem up for it. We'd had a few beers and a few laughs earlier at the hut but it has sorta done her in. She heads back with the Shaun fella and I keep the party going.

Me, Linda and Aoife (in her patented santa hat) are having a grand auld time. Slagging people mostly.

Despite my heroics on the drinking front I manage to keep a level head, knowing what I was doing to a certain extent. The girls however are rubbished. Aoife has disappeared so me and Linda ttempt looking for her, the only problem is that Linda can't even find herself.

After convincing her she was back at her hut I walked with/carried her there and even had to open the door, this was hilarious by the way. It was then I realized I had no idea where I was. Fuck it, I was staying here for the night, I'll tackle the rest of Phi-Phi tomorrow....


Meeting more Dubliners, a Viking in a boxing ring and me and B having a mash potato eating contest in the next installment.



See yiz then.

"Playing goon pong at the Opera House? Kinda like wankin' in church, isn't it?"

There's been quite a delay since the last edition, apologies.

I'm gonna skip through Vientiane now, the only thing of note was the lads trying to rip us off when we were getting our extended Thai Visas. Luckily we were seasoned pros now and were having none of it.

Vientiane, see ya after... we were off to Krabi down south of Thailand now but first of all, we had a stop over in Bangkok for about 9 hours. Excellent.

B wants to see bloody Twilight again. Usually I'd be having none of it, but I'm tired and my bones ache so I go along with it to keep her hush. ;) What happens next is quite hilarious and saved me from having to watch a film about a young girls choice between necrophilia and beastiality.

Ching, or Chang, this sound Thai gent, over hearing us arguing about what to do for the day literally grabs us and starts directing us around the city. Floating markets on a speed boat were a highlight, even if I almost fell in the river. Never been so happy to see curtains on a boat!

We stopped for food in this little Thai garage and what d'ya know, Ching or Chang has gone and gotten us some Chang, the Red Horse of Thailand! Oh dear.....

Well one leads to ten isn't just an Irish thing it would seem. We exchange numbers with this heroic 60+ year old (even though we don't have a phone of any sort) and trod along to get our bus to Krabi. It's the only time we had been ripped off so far but feck it, ya learn from this kinda shit. It won't happen again that's for sure.

We meet an English couple of girls whose names I don't remember, Becky was one of them I think but I can't be too sure. But we buzz off them for a bit, they're off to Phi Phi though so they get their bus and they're gone. We're in Surrethani at this stage I should mention, waiting for our connecting bus. Finally get it and get dropped off in Krabi town. We find a nice place to stay in, plan is to take it ham and sleazy for our few days here then head to Phi Phi as rumor has it, a pair of Scousers are there with some other tubing buddies.

Take it easy we did, done a few boat trips, island hopping and such. Few Canadian people and one crackin' Slovak girl on it, it was good wholesome fun, which had been needed so I could show me ma I was doing more than just drinking out of plastic containers and falling over.

I think we got to see the island here that James Bond "The Man with the Golden Gun" was filmed on. Details are sketchy. One of the islands was deadly, it was a strip of sand in the sea and it disappeared at certain times during the day. Whopper.

Night markets were my favorite thing about the fairly limited Krabi. Cheap as fuck and you could see foreigners or "farang" didn't shop around here as we were getting the whole "take a photo with my baby" schpeel.


B's feeling rather down on our last night here so I done a rather nice thing if I do say so myself. I bought her a butterfly necklace ....

and 5 bottles of merlot. The most heroic part was I bought them from an underground beer baron.


5 bottles of wine later, we've invited a German couple into our room and start telling our most horrendous jokes, dunno how that happened. Beer has been introduced. Shiza!

Wake up the next morning surprisingly fresh and I'm bouncing as we're checking out to go Phi Phi, a quick trip to the port and then it's going to be a heavenly experience. My first shot at the infamous Thai islands. Yerrrah!



Next is meeting new pals and old amigos, hat-trick heroes, the Reggae bar and Slinky's...

I wuv Phi Phi!