"It could have been worse, you could have no legs and been beaten up by a girl..."

Twas a pleasant surprise meeting a fellow Irish person for our journey up to Chiang Mai. Clare, a Mayo lassie was travelling with Sean her boyfriend from Engerlund. Pascal, a gent of a Frenchman was sitting across from them and we all hit it off immediately. B and Clare were waffling away while me, Sean and Pascal rambled on about random nonsense you just can't talk to girls about. Taking into account we were both half rubbered to begin the train trip, it made it a lot easier to say yes when the beer lady came around. Chang after Chang went down and it wasn't long before Mr. Security guard is telling us to keep it down, it's after 2 in the morning, it seemed like about an hour yet it was a good 6.

I don't remember getting to bed but I wake the next morning, the girls are laughing away and it's piercing my skull. Sean and Clare have booked into a Guest House called "The Junior House" and are getting picked up by one of the staff. They tell me, B and Pascal to join them. The guy picking them up is called Jeff, and what an absolute hero he is. 5 of us, rucksacks and all arrive to his 5 seater Mitsubishi. He's so nice he tells us all to just get in. It's a tad cramped, just a tad, we've obviously been around a bit so we're used to this mode of transport, even if it is concentration camp-esque. 

Junior House is absolute gold. Every member of staff are over the top nice, not in a "give me some money" kind of nice, but would crack a beer and sit beside you chatting away. They gave us a 20 minute run around of the city and where to go, where not to go and to book anything through them as they wouldn't charge the surcharge  that most places do. Heroes.

We set ourselves up, shower and go out for a stroll and find a place to eat. The food is tops, some sort of spicy chicken and pork with the traditional rice and ice tea. There's apparently an awful lot to do in Chiang Mai yet we're on a tight schedule. 4 days is the max we can spend as after this we're travelling up north into the unknown country of Laos. We didn't really have a strict schedule and it constantly changed but all we needed to do was be in Khao Lak for Christmas. It's around the 28th November during our time in CM. Elephant trekking and general sight seeing are the "musts" here. There's a beautiful temple on top of a mountain that overlooks the whole of CM, so it's planned that we'll do this tomorrow.

Disaster strikes.

In the 2 months we'd been away B's stomach was like a washing machine, she was constantly spewing, it became an inside joke for us, but hey, that's Asia for you. I had been perfect really except for a brief spell in Cavite and Alona, mostly coz I had eaten too much though I'd say. But now I had fallen victim. I'm blaming the pad thai and spring rolls I ate that morning in Bangkok. Rough as sandpaper I am, so B goes out with the others general sight seeing while I keep the toilet company for the morning, afternoon and evening. Hitting the mountain view was put on ice 'til the following day. We also booked the elephant trekking for the day after, CM was quickly becoming a nice chill out zone and despite the fact I was throwing up every half hour, I was loving it.

Next installment is about bad haircuts, Woody and his sisters and near death experiences...

Take care!

"Thank you Super Nintendo Chalmers..."

We had never been on a sleeper train, so this was exciting. We both had lower bunks and neither of us had a clue how these seats were supposed to resemble beds. We got chatting with a pair of English lads, one was a Geordie, 'Boro fan and the other a Cockney Spurs fan, nice to meet people supporting their local clubs. They were sound although we never got their names. The Cockney had lived in Thailand, Ko Tao for the past few years and was just on a Visa run and on his way back home. We were having great laughs and finding out about Bangkok from him but B got a bit annoyed when the conversation descended into talking about our 3 local clubs, it was inevitable. 

No idea about the time at this but we eventually get the security fella to set up our beds and we go for a bit of a kip. One of the best sleeps I've had I must say. We are up, around 11 or 12am arriving into Bangkok, that had been flooded apparently the week before we arrived and you could see the damage that had been done, outside the city was destroyed with people sleeping on the roof of their houses and getting around in little canoe  styled tin shoe boxes. 

The whole time we had been away, we were taking turns withdrawing money. I'd go the first time and we'd both live off it until it was gone, then B would go, and so forth. It was my turn now. Thai Baht seemed to be fairly similar to the Peso in Philippines at 40 Baht to the Euro. Withdrawal made, let's get to Khoasan Road! The place to be in Bangkok for foreigners or 'Falang' as they call us.

We grab a Tuk-tuk, it's a tricycle except there's no car on the side, its at the back, bit more comfortable and safe.... kiiiiinda is....

We haggle with him because that's what you do there and we arrive at our destination about 15 minutes later. It's basically Grafton Street in Dublin with high buildings, thousands of people from every country you can think of with bars, pubs, clubs and food shops everywhere. There is also a big bunch of clothes stalls with knock offs   for next to nothing. I need new clothes as everything I have come away with has shrunk or been forever stained in blood and grease. For once, B goes for a beer while I go looking for a place to stay. The first place I find, I book. The Siam Oriental, it's 400 Baht per night for a Double bed, air con and hot shower. That's 10 Euro per night, or 5 Euro each really. 2 nights please. Ding ding!

We have a Thai curry and a couple of beers followed by purchasing some new clothes. She's off buying bikinis or whatever and I get a handful of Lacoste, Fred Perry and Ralph Lauren polo's, I look respectable again.

The first night on the Khaosan gets a little messy as we get on the Chang from early and we both wake up the next day not having a clue what had happened. There's a carton of Pad Thai and spring rolls in the corner, breakfast!!

Mc Donalds is hit, so I can cross this off my list of countries I've eaten it in. On the way back a lovely little Thai man in a Tuk-tuk says he will bring us around the city for 10Baht. Big mistake.

We're floating about just laughing at everything, I am in awe as I really thought I was going to hate Thailand but I have no problem sticking my hands up, this place is great. To be honest, I didn't really mind that he brought us to every suit shop and travel agent there was, because he actually brought us to some beautiful temples and a high castle type thing that looked out over the whole of Bangkok. Really nice.

We fake that B has a headache and unless he brings us back he ain't getting any dosh so of course before we know it we're back having a beer, getting hassled to buy suits, go on another tuk tuk adventure or have a massage.....

Hmmm.... massage doesn't sound too bad.

It's the weirdest experience ever, unfortunately they think we're a couple, so I get some hefty bloke cracking my neck and back, I had a beer though, so not the worst. 

We get this mad fish experience where you stick your feet into the water and you have all these fish eat the dead skin off you. B's face is hilarious for this, photos to follow.

More beer is consumed at the top of this rooftop bar, known infamously as "The Roof", little did I know of the amazing nights I would have up here over the next 2 + months, in time, don't worry. They have a saying in Thailand, "Same Same, but different" and it was true here again as another night, another wake up without having a clue what was going on the following morning. Hazy isn't the word as we pack up to check out, we're heading for Chiang Mai up the very north of Thailand. Beers that have been found in the room are packed into respective rucksacks, new clothes are packed away and we're off, only one problem, it's 10am and our night train isn't until 7.30pm. 

We're walking about, B is calling for the cinema to watch this Twilight business but I'm having none of it. The Secret and now this in the space of a week? You may as well put me in a dress. On our walk about, we meet this heroic Thai man, probably in his mid to late 60's but as nimble as a 30 year old. He brings us around on the bus to the main markets and then we take a long boat down the middle of the river dividing Bangkok in two. It's amazing, he finds out we're Irish so he insists on bringing us for a beer and who are we to say no?

We're both half cut by the time we arrive for the train and I'm all ready for my bed. I'm down taking out my sleeping bag when a girl tips her head around from the seat in front. I go with my patented "Alright?" with head nod, and she replies..... "Hey are you Irish?" 

Next I'll talk about meeting Sean, Clare and Pascal, Junior House and the first couple of days in Chiang Mai.

Have a good weekend!

Only in the Chili-pines....

The less said about Kuala Lumpur, the better. Jumped off the flight and had a wander but it was pretty crappy, even though we had only spent one night there, it didn't really live up to the expectations I had before I left beautiful Dublin. We were up early so an early one was had and we went to catch the first of two trains that would take a total of 38 hours to arrive in Bangkok. Whopper.

13 hours on the first train to Butterworth playing solitare with a load of kids standing around staring as if we were shooting up on gear or something. There's not a lot left to say about the journey, the train resembles the DART (Dublin Area Rapid Transit for the foreign readers) mainly due to the fact it's falling apart, has green seats and smells of pish.

Just when you think things cannot get worse, we arrive in Butterworth. The name doesn't really describe the place that well. It sounds like a place full of Grandfathers treats, but instead was THE most boring place I have ever had the displeasure of visiting. Nobody spoke to each other around the place and when we got to the "hotel" we were staying in, I wanted to top meself. Easily the worst place we had stayed in seven and a half weeks floating around. It was soul destroying. Cockroaches, cold water and no lights weren't the problem, it was the fact they didn't have a pub or even a "bottleshop" (sorry it's what they call it here in upsidedownland)
as well as having nowhere, literally nowhere within walking distance for food, every single shop was closed and we could count the dead dogs we met on the walk around.  Fuck-ing awful. I actually am struggling to put it int words..... AAARGGGGHHH!!!!

So thankfully we woke up the next day and I have never been so thankful to get out of this disaster of a place.

I've just realized how dreadful this entry has been, but it's not all bad, because it brought me back down to earth a bit and made me thankful about how great it had been so far and how lucky I had been, also thought about everyone back home who couldn't go do what I had just done for whatever reason and also, made me happy for what lay ahead, as I thought of certain people (one in particular) who would never ever get the chance to do this so I was going to make the most of it, for both of us.

So, I laughed off the previous few days, got on the 11am train set for Bangkok Thailand, cracked a Singha beer and laughed again...


Next stop, Khosan Road, Bangkok. The lunacy begins here.

"You fill up my sense, like a gallon of Maggot...."

We jump aboard a bus for Sandakan, a 4 hour or so (you can never really tell on these fellas) journey. I'm eyeing up some of the gems on board and getting slaps off B for being a "sleaze". They weren't even that great anyway and hadn't a word of English. Ahh here's our stop.

Wrong, we're just getting off to buy some spicy chicken feet and take a pish into this here hole they're calling a toilet. It's one of the most annoying journey's I've been on, it's so bad I decide to start reading "The Secret". Don't slag me, actually shag off I don't care, you weren't on this bus. Don't judge.

The funny thing is, alot of things about Malaysia/Borneo annoyed me, the plan had been to spend a full month here but we were already missing the Philippinas and it was a general concensus that this wouldn't reach the dizzying heights that the seven thousand plus islands to the east had done for us.

The money, Ringit, was a load of rubbish, with four Ringit to the Euro, it wasn't great value at all.

Off the bus and a quick taxi ride to the harbour before we were back temporary house hunting, we found a spot we thought was quite good and it was, except we priced it wrong and it was in fact, quite expensive. Cack.

They don't drink round these parts and all the wimmin' are covered head to toe like teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, everythings quite expensive and people are really really rude. Can't say I'm warming to this place. We sit in the first night watching awful tv after booking a trip down the Kinabatangan River and see some caves n' that. Should be fun.

A heroic Chinese woman brings us around in her jeep the following day to go cave hunting. It's sound as fook, there's people that sleep there to stop savages robbing eggs and larva and selling them. It's about 100 metres high, maybe more. We need a flash light to get around, what is it about Borneo with flash lights for everything?

Good laugh in the caves but we're heading to the river now. But not before we meet some of them Orange.U.Tans hopping around after robbing food from some chaps gaff.

We get a speed boat out to this little island jobbie for food. It's boring as fook. We're so hungry we have everything eaten in 20 minutes and now we've to spend 3 hours sitting around looking at each others ugly mush.

Eventually we get onto the river and it's all worth it. As far as I can remember, we see 6 different types of monkey and 120,000* different birds and lizards and a whopper crocodile swimming around, he was a little bitch though and wouldn't come near us, I must have flexed.

After we'd finished our jungle river trip, it was back home to our humble abode for the next 2 days via a cafe for a green curry.

6 bottles of Tiger beer sitting on the floor while we planned out our next adventure. It was decided in plain light, after this, we didn't need to waste anymore time here, Thailand awaited. We organised a flight from Sandakan airport to Kuala Lumpur after an overnight stay, to train it up to Thailand.

The fun has just begun folks.

* Not exact number

Next installment is about being bored in KL, being bored on a train and the most boring place in the history of anywhere; Butterworth.

But then we get to Thailand :D

A shite joke to leave yiz with;

Ghost walks into a bar, says to barman "Rum and coke there chief"

Barman says "Sorry, we don't serve spirits"


This is dedicated to my mate Joe whose gone back home to watch Sheffield United in the play-off final.

Miss ya fella, up the Blades!

"Japan is too expensive, shall we just go to O'Malleys instead?"

It's never pleasant being awoken from a deep sleep, especially when you're waking up to climb this never ending poxy mountain. I can hear the rain pounding outside, this should be interesting.

We assemble downstairs in all our gear. Ponchos, my Shels jersey, a jacket I've borrowed off a Geordie, my Oasis hat and a flash light wrapped around my head. Sorted. Mr Miyagi is nowhere to be found though. Oh wait, he's outside smoking, never mind.

Rain is pouring down as we try climb uphill, several times I questioned why I was doing this, surely it was easier to Google images of the place and slap them on the Brendan Gracebook and pretend I was there. Either way, we'd come this far we may aswell keep going.

I hit the deck a couple of times, despite the Sambas holding up well the mud was just too much at times. Around an hour of uphill struggling, we arrived at a flat surface wall with a rope hanging from it, I'm assuming we have to climb this, ah shite.

We've already seen two people falling from a height and sliding down at force to the bottom, they're still alive, but visibly shaken. I just go for it. Miyagi is scaling it in sandals with no rope and, of course, a smoke. There was a very very small piece of rock jutting out that we had to use to walk across and then up, believe me, it was quite difficult.

I can't be entirely sure but I think it maybe took about another hour or so, yet we eventually made it in time to see the sun rising above the clouds. An amazing sight. Really one of the moments I'll always remember, even if someone erased the heroic video I took!

Took a good while to take in what we were seeing, we were at the highest point in the whole of South East Asia.

But that's enough of that, we had to make it back down and after 15 minutes of enjoying what we were seeing I eventually came to terms with the fact going down was going to be a whole lot tougher.

It was. On the way down, I went and dislocated my knee. I spent the next 500 metres trying to pop it back in, it was not pleasant at all. I eventually get it popped back in a Km before we hit the end and just before them horrible steps we met on the way up, thank jaysus I got that sorted.

Miyagi is in top form, cracking jokes on the way down, inbetween cigarettes, despite the fact that none of us are laughing at them. It just doesn't seem to end and at one point I remember swearing to never go near a poxy mountain again. Feck it, I'm never going up a set of stairs again, escalators and bungalows is it for me.

One of the best moments of my life is finally reaching the bottom. I have tears of joy in my eyes.

There's a slight problem in that we have nowhere to stay for the night. Fear not, the guys recommend a place around the corner from the poxy mountain. We walk (shuffle) to the place, legs dragging behind us, rucksacks crushing our backs, eventually we see the guest house.... ahhh shiza....


It's 100 steps down.....


I hate mountains....




Next installment is about the journey to Sandakan, over priced cereal and crocodile hunting.

Same Nam time, same Nam channel....