"If we stay really quiet, we can actually hear the Philippinos "

For most blokes, a trip to the local supermarket is a boring/fair/middlin' experience. We arrived to the SM, a Philippine franchise of giant Shopping "Malls" *shudder*. To cut a long story short, our car has been stopped at the entrance and a gang load of uniformed boys in blue are standing around us with shotguns, pistols and suprisingly mirrors on the end of poles, which kinda scared me the most! So turns out that they had recieved a bomb threat and were going for the people they suspected (Cheers lads). Obviously we didn't have our C4 on us that day so we got away with it.

To get over the harrowing experience, we decided to go for a drink, any excuse an all that, in the local wooden shack they call a "bar" *shudder*
No offers for 3somes here but there is girls walking round in next to nothing, when I enquire what sort of a place it was I'm told (in broken English) that it's a regular watering hole and that this is a regular occurance. Result.

I must have been spiked because there's girls up dancing on poles and they are very very good. There's an old saying by some no mark person that "Monkey see monkey do" and that was quite apt for me as in the time it has taken you to read the last sentence I was up Pole dancing with the pros, and doing a mighty job of it too might I add. The one positive I will take from that night was our breakout singing performances. B was Adele, I was Liam Gallagher, we were dressed ridiculously, standard (for you Bekka). There's video evidence of this somewhere, I'm just not sure if the general public are ready for it, just yet.

Hangovers never really kicked in during my stay in Cavite. I blame that on not drinking enough. It was decided that after the 1st 6 days of drinking, eating and drinking that we'd probably have to do some touristy stuff. We decided to visit the great Tagaytay, home of 2 active volcanoes. The place had been wiped out 20 years before and was due an expulsion of fluid soon. So of course yours truely has to make this his priority. 33 degree heat, no idea where we're going, dangerous creatures, no sun cream, one bottle of water between two of us. Smashin' idea. By the time I reached the top I was dressed head to toe as a Ninja with 2 shirts wrapped round my face with a pair of sun glasses on, again there are photos around somewhere. Speaking personally I think I looked pretty damn hot. We got to the top and recharged the batteries, trying to speak with the locals but failing miserably. The view itself was pretty amazing, different coloured water changing every few seconds from the heat and a load of geyzers or hot springs (so there's no confusion with Geezers, 40 + year old English men drinking watered down larger, having it "large" *shudder*) We made it back in one piece albeit fried an wrinkly, it was a top day out. There was the usual being followed by guys trying to bring us home and kids trying to sell us Buko pies, nuts and sunglasses, which is when I realised I'd left my sunglasses on that poxy mountain.

A little spoiler, most of the next entries will include me losing sunglasses and excerting anger towards "poxy mountains"


After that little adventure, our next point of rest was Boracay Island. White sand, blue seas, Coconuts, cocktails, paradise basically, right?

Wrong.

I'll keep yiz guessing 'til tomorrow, take her handy folks.