The first night in Vang Vieng went according to plan. In that I didn't die. Somehow.
"2 bucket Danny" was a name catching on after just one night. These objects I had been over served with used to be a child's play thing for the beach. They are supposed to come with spades, not straws!
I woke up the next day in a hammock. When I say woke up, I mean by the time I got back to the hut, it was bright, I had no keys and fancied a lie down, didn't quite sleep however. Back up and off for some breakfast with the troops who arrive back to base in drips and drabs.
Everyone is getting stuck into some food but the thought of that makes me feel vile, so me and Martin, one half of Team Viking get some whiskey into us. Everyone bar B is shocked, these guys are about to see something special....
We're all set for tubing, it's our first day and everyone is buzzing. I have absolutely nothing with me bar 100,000 kip (10 euro), a Shels jersey, flip flops, shorts and a smile. By the end of the day I will have lost everything. True story.
We get a tuk tuk together to the start of the river, we all have our tubes and we arrive at the starting bar, it's Q-Bar, and all the staff from the previous night are there..... awh here come the flashbacks....
I don't believe I have explained the concept of tubing actually... There is a 4km stretch of river (it's 4 or 6, I'm not arsed researching, you do it) that has bars built up either side of it up on decking and makeshift stone. You get your tube (or the inside of a tractor tire) and float down with staff from every bar throwing you a line to pull you into their bar. Each bar has a different theme to it so there's something for everyone. It gets sloppy as anything I've ever seen but the majority of the people are sound fuckers, so no knob ends that you'd get on your standard 2 weeks in Ibiza or that.
Sitting on the main deck of the first bar, 2 buckets and all the gang sitting around in the sun was immense. Then the markers came out. Graham, the Scouse Tranmere Rovers fan thought he was in with this young lady, he asked for her number so she wrote it on his back;
1800- Get Fucked.
Laughed at.
Between glow paint being introduced to eating insects out of rum bottles it all got a bit hairy. I'm not a fan of getting in the water at the best of times but especially when pished. However, I've been living on the edge the past 2 months, feck it I'm going to the next bar without my tube as the gentleman that I am, I have given it to Nicky and Laura to use. What a cock up that was. I get to a certain point in the river and lose my footing, so yes, I go under. Maybe it was the few whiskeys or maybe it was just the carefree attitude I have, but even with the current, I don't panic. A 7up bottle appears in front of me and I grab it. One of the fellas working the bar, not wanting to lose his most valuable customer to the depths of the flowing tide pulls me in to safety. I get up, blow my nose and get 2 buckets in. I can get used to this.
Andrew and The Jock are in flying form with their back and forth jokes.... I actually can't stop laughing at these pair... next it turns a bit hairy.
It's bar number 5 I think. This bar has everything from illicit substances to babies lighting cigarettes for customers on the bar. They also have Oasis playing. Lads.
I'm at the bar, standard. Getting 2 buckets, standard. Next I hear a commotion with a gang grouped around a person obviously. I've just been handed a joint by a 2 year old child for buying 2 buckets. I'm freaked out and a little disturbed but no time to concentrate on that as me auld buddy is the person on the deck. I see the damage and instantly think "leg break".
Her cartilage and skin has taken a wallop and basically ended up around her knee cap. It's hideous. People are vomiting. They're all gathered around her and no one knows what to do. I clear the floor and pretty much shove it all back down, massaging it with ice. It takes 10 minutes or so but eventually it looks decent enough. It was a bit of a buzz kill and I notice someone has stolen my flip flops. You do a good deed and......
Anyway we keep going with these buckets getting more and more delicious. Before I know it, my jersey is gone. i'm in a pair of shorts now, with literally nothing else to my name, steady on girls.
The end of the first night of tubing ends where the night begins. B is in a right wreck so goes to stay with one of the lads, coz I've lost the key. She's smashed and wouldn't make it out anyway, but that's not stopping me I'm out back to Q-Bar and instantly lose everyone. While I'm there I run into 2 girls. Both from Leixlip in Ireland. Linda and Aoife, 2 absolute head cases. The three of us hang around together for the rest of the night talking absolute shite (mostly from Aoife) and get kicked out of the Sunset bar (mostly thanks to Linda) At some point in the night a Thai guy has a fight with a gang of lads for calling him "Laos". I jump in to stop it ( coz I'm massive ) and low and behold, another guy helps me. His name is Dave and afterwards we get talking although I have no idea what was said (more from this guy later, this was just an introduction...)
I can't really remember what happened after this but before I know it, it's day again and the girls are heading off to sleep, we organize to meet later tubing. I don't know how as I don't own footwear, let alone a mobile phone. I've fallen at some point and ended up under a table, proper slicing my finger open, there's blood but a bit of tissue around it, it's fine. I'm more concerned about how I fell under a table to be honest.
Part 2 of tubing is about to commence, I'm still smashed,everyone is still smashed, can the first day be topped? Too fooking right it can.
Watch this space.
After......
"2 bucket Danny" was a name catching on after just one night. These objects I had been over served with used to be a child's play thing for the beach. They are supposed to come with spades, not straws!
I woke up the next day in a hammock. When I say woke up, I mean by the time I got back to the hut, it was bright, I had no keys and fancied a lie down, didn't quite sleep however. Back up and off for some breakfast with the troops who arrive back to base in drips and drabs.
Everyone is getting stuck into some food but the thought of that makes me feel vile, so me and Martin, one half of Team Viking get some whiskey into us. Everyone bar B is shocked, these guys are about to see something special....
We're all set for tubing, it's our first day and everyone is buzzing. I have absolutely nothing with me bar 100,000 kip (10 euro), a Shels jersey, flip flops, shorts and a smile. By the end of the day I will have lost everything. True story.
We get a tuk tuk together to the start of the river, we all have our tubes and we arrive at the starting bar, it's Q-Bar, and all the staff from the previous night are there..... awh here come the flashbacks....
I don't believe I have explained the concept of tubing actually... There is a 4km stretch of river (it's 4 or 6, I'm not arsed researching, you do it) that has bars built up either side of it up on decking and makeshift stone. You get your tube (or the inside of a tractor tire) and float down with staff from every bar throwing you a line to pull you into their bar. Each bar has a different theme to it so there's something for everyone. It gets sloppy as anything I've ever seen but the majority of the people are sound fuckers, so no knob ends that you'd get on your standard 2 weeks in Ibiza or that.
Sitting on the main deck of the first bar, 2 buckets and all the gang sitting around in the sun was immense. Then the markers came out. Graham, the Scouse Tranmere Rovers fan thought he was in with this young lady, he asked for her number so she wrote it on his back;
1800- Get Fucked.
Laughed at.
Between glow paint being introduced to eating insects out of rum bottles it all got a bit hairy. I'm not a fan of getting in the water at the best of times but especially when pished. However, I've been living on the edge the past 2 months, feck it I'm going to the next bar without my tube as the gentleman that I am, I have given it to Nicky and Laura to use. What a cock up that was. I get to a certain point in the river and lose my footing, so yes, I go under. Maybe it was the few whiskeys or maybe it was just the carefree attitude I have, but even with the current, I don't panic. A 7up bottle appears in front of me and I grab it. One of the fellas working the bar, not wanting to lose his most valuable customer to the depths of the flowing tide pulls me in to safety. I get up, blow my nose and get 2 buckets in. I can get used to this.
Andrew and The Jock are in flying form with their back and forth jokes.... I actually can't stop laughing at these pair... next it turns a bit hairy.
It's bar number 5 I think. This bar has everything from illicit substances to babies lighting cigarettes for customers on the bar. They also have Oasis playing. Lads.
I'm at the bar, standard. Getting 2 buckets, standard. Next I hear a commotion with a gang grouped around a person obviously. I've just been handed a joint by a 2 year old child for buying 2 buckets. I'm freaked out and a little disturbed but no time to concentrate on that as me auld buddy is the person on the deck. I see the damage and instantly think "leg break".
Her cartilage and skin has taken a wallop and basically ended up around her knee cap. It's hideous. People are vomiting. They're all gathered around her and no one knows what to do. I clear the floor and pretty much shove it all back down, massaging it with ice. It takes 10 minutes or so but eventually it looks decent enough. It was a bit of a buzz kill and I notice someone has stolen my flip flops. You do a good deed and......
Anyway we keep going with these buckets getting more and more delicious. Before I know it, my jersey is gone. i'm in a pair of shorts now, with literally nothing else to my name, steady on girls.
The end of the first night of tubing ends where the night begins. B is in a right wreck so goes to stay with one of the lads, coz I've lost the key. She's smashed and wouldn't make it out anyway, but that's not stopping me I'm out back to Q-Bar and instantly lose everyone. While I'm there I run into 2 girls. Both from Leixlip in Ireland. Linda and Aoife, 2 absolute head cases. The three of us hang around together for the rest of the night talking absolute shite (mostly from Aoife) and get kicked out of the Sunset bar (mostly thanks to Linda) At some point in the night a Thai guy has a fight with a gang of lads for calling him "Laos". I jump in to stop it ( coz I'm massive ) and low and behold, another guy helps me. His name is Dave and afterwards we get talking although I have no idea what was said (more from this guy later, this was just an introduction...)
I can't really remember what happened after this but before I know it, it's day again and the girls are heading off to sleep, we organize to meet later tubing. I don't know how as I don't own footwear, let alone a mobile phone. I've fallen at some point and ended up under a table, proper slicing my finger open, there's blood but a bit of tissue around it, it's fine. I'm more concerned about how I fell under a table to be honest.
Part 2 of tubing is about to commence, I'm still smashed,everyone is still smashed, can the first day be topped? Too fooking right it can.
Watch this space.
After......
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