"Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun."

The  coach left us at Surrethani, the little change over spot, yet again, I think this could be our 3rd time here. Our ferry is to Ko Samui and we're getting dropped to the port by a company whose driver is a lovely little Thai gent who looks to be absolutely off his head on glue. He's picking people up on the side of the road and dropping them to their houses. In one case, he actually got out of the motor (which was still running) and went into someones house for maybe 15 minutes and came out eating noodles. I'm surprised at myself for being surprised. 

We get to the ferry as it's pulling off and just about make it on.

It's not so packed on the top deck so we make our way up and hold on for the 2 hour or so trip. We'd spotted a beautiful Asian girl sitting by herself. I'm convinced she's Philippino, B thinks otherwise. I'm perplexed, so I shuffle my way over and ask the very general "excuse me, have you ever been to Samui before?" 

 Her reply of  "No, I live in Bangkok", may have proved me wrong and B right but more importantly it has also given me a reason to continue this conversation as she hasn't thrown water over me or moved to another seat like it usually pans out. I use the gift of Dublin shite talk to reel her in and by the end of the 2 hours, we'd exchanged details and were going to meet up at the full moon party, result.

After that me and B grab a jeepney styled tuk-tuk and decide on Lamai beach to dig our heels in. 

Ko Samui is a crazy place, in fact crazy doesn't sum it up. There's lots going on here, like a giant local community street party except replace friendly neighbours and BBQ's with strippers and Chang beer.

It's the 1st time we're struggling to find somewhere to stay - within budget, which to be honest was running low. 

Eventually we're pointed in the direction of a little hidden away secret by a stoned hippy. It's cheap, which is our only item we need to check off the list at this stage. 

The plan has been made to stay in Samui and grab a ferry over to the infamous Kho Phangnan for the Countdown party, stay for the chaotic beach invasion and bundle onto the ferry back the next morning. Then our stuff will be safe and we won't get ripped off on accommodation. Smart fuckers we are.

Until then we were going to enjoy the scenery around us (well I was) I have to say, despite the seediness about the place, I quite enjoyed as it was something different and had a bit of life to it, something we hadn't really had since Phi Phi.

Next door to where we were staying had an Irish bar, with mashed potatoes, Guinness and The Dubliners greatest hits playing in the background. Having that.

Soon enough it's turned into quite a modern styled bar with the stools taken away from the bar and a live band doing their best Evanescence covers.

B get's up to sing and get's quite a good reception as per usual. 

I sit there and drink more Guinness.

 Eventually, I get a bit fed up and rather than try a new bar, we've a big one tomorrow, have to be in the game for that one. The Dave fella has got in touch with me, he's in Samui but I can't reply to him. Bit of a shame, but what can ya do. Back to base to chill out and prepare myself for the New Years Eve countdown party. Epic.

I'll give you a clue how this ends for me;

Badly, in the best way possible.

Cheers folks.

"If you live in a glass house, don't be chucking stuff about."

This 2nd Khao Lak entry is literally just going to be about me fulfilling a life long dream, of about twenty minutes.....

B was staying in and I fancied a pint (you can't get pints over here, so a rum and coke would have to suffice), crossed the road and seen this heroic little gaff, sort of like a garage with a couple of bottles of spirits lying about with some plastic garden furniture, with a bloke and 2 girls sitting around smoking, with Drum and Bass in the background. I felt like I was in an episode of "Skins".

Anywho, Josh from England and Anja from Germany, with her German mate invite me to drink with them. It doesn't take me long to realize that there's a distinct lack of barmen about, I don't know if you'd even call people working here barmen, I reckon you just call them your mates, coz no one in their right mind would probably drink here if you weren't mates with the staff. 

Josh and Anja work here they tell me, they rent it for 3 months and then they're moving on to pastures greener. They seem to enjoy it. It's hardly a money making activity as I'm pretty sure in the hour I've been here Josh has drank away any profit I have given. It was late afternoon and I decided I'd go back and check in on hop'along who was not well at all. 

Got back, to the little wonderland for around 3 hours. It was boring here with not a lot going on. There's only so many trips to Mackers you can do, the little bedsit bar was calling me.....

20 minutes later I'm across the road, I walk into the bar and to my shock, it's bouncing! 

Well, there's 12 people there, but the bar can really, realistically only fit about 6.

Poor Josh is struggling to serve everyone, even telling people to "take their own beer" from the fridge and pay for it later. He is then hit with a request that brings tears to his eyes. 

"6 Margaritas please" 

He's unsure how to do them. 

This is where yours truly gets involved.

"Eh, I can make them" I suggest.....

Before I know it I'm working in a bar, again, not the kind of bar you or me are used to and it's certainly no Dublin-esque pub, but it was fun and I was decent enough at doing it, no one got spiked and glass smashing was at a minimum.

The bar made a loss but let's look on the bright side of things. 

The building was still standing, even if it's occupants were not.

Josh reveals he can't pay me for my efforts. I tell him I'm like a modern day superhero and I require no payment. I'm just about to fly off into the distance (run across the road to my guesthouse) when he introduces a bottle of Rum, we shut up the bar and get the ice out..... this could get interesting... we just need the lovely Anja back....

5 hours later, Keyless, I'm climbing over a rather large spiked gate praying to the large Mantus in the sky that I don't get impaled. Takes a good ten minutes to maneuver myself over the iron structure when out of nowhere comes the little 5 foot nothing Thai woman who owns the place and she simply pushes the gate open.... after all the dramatic situations I had found myself in over the past 3 months and to be honest, 25 years of life, that would have been an embarrassing death.... You've got to laugh.

Ko Samui is the destination next. A few days there with a new years eve countdown party in between, after that we're unsure what to do, but as you learn with traveling, it's better to make no plans as things just fall into place and with all the people I was meeting, it was hard to imagine life without knowing them. 

That was a bit soft, next up is Lamai beach, outdoor strippers and my first Guinness for 3 months. 

G'luck.

"If you can't fix it with duck tape you haven't used enough "

December 24th, 2011, it's been almost 3 months traveling. Living in the most extreme circumstances. Getting eaten alive by insects, being attacked by bats, single beds that felt so much like concrete that the floor was more comfortable, showering with cold water in buckets and being constantly sticky with sweat either from lack of air-con or else just there being no showering facilities at all.

So, arriving up to a 5 star hotel in the recently refurbished coastal town of Khao Lak, was something we were just not ready for.

Greeted by a sexy Mrs Clause with champagne for us, our bags were taken to our room by the staff. Everyone was in uniform and the place was absolutely huge. It was a lot to take in. The main attractions here was the power shower, tv, dvd player, dressing gowns AND slippers and a mini bar. Comfortable beds, room service, nice view. What more could you ask for?

A free Christmas Eve dinner/buffet/show? Wear your best clothes? Sure why not, this was awesome. Luxury I sure was not used to. It was well special, what made it really special was the fact that I had worked every Christmas day for the past 5 years (me being the gent that I am, I always volunteered to work it to give people with kids the time off, okay everyone, a collective 'awwwwwwwwwwww')

The buffet was laid out impeccably, everything you could imagine was there (except me mothers mash) and presentation was A1. Amazing food, gorgeous girls, a cracking show going on with dancers and singers, even Santa made an appearance and me good mate B. Twas marvellous.

After we went out done some sort of candle/kite wish thing, I don't remember what I wished for, probably Shels to get to next seasons final and to beat Rovers along the way?

Merry Christmas Dan.....


Christmas day, well well well. B got me a tuk-tuk model. It's my 2nd one now, I've a collection started.

My one gripe I have with this day, is as a whole, it's boring and repetitive, in that every year you have the same routine. Get up, open presents, go to relatives, come home, eat dinner, drink, bed. Snore.

Well, this year, it was the following; Get up, hot shower in a shower bigger than my bedroom back home, sun cream up, go to the beach (located outside our front door) and proceed to lie there whilst gorgeous Thai girls make us cocktails and us being us, we order hamburgers for lunch. Easily the best Christmas day I ever had.

Obviously it was a bit weird not having the familia around, so both myself and B got in touch with the folk back home to let them know how we were getting on. The only thing I can recall is my two younger brothers being quite "tired and emotional" having had a hefty one the night before, glad it wasn't me for once.


For our Christmas dinner, we had lobster! I'd never had it before, there was other stuff there too, but that was the main event, easily. We got a bottle of wine and B went on to show me proper table manners and how to woo the women by being a "gentleman". I'd be putting it to the test over the next couple of weeks.

It was a real nice Christmas day topped off by playing Jenga and connect 4 with a load of Thai people. Ringing room Service and charging it to our account was mega, until the final bill came. 4 days in this hotel we had clocked up the shocking amount of 20,000 baht. 500 Euro in real money. We put it down to just another experience for us as we surely wouldn't be doing anything like this again for a while anyway. Money was looking down south and we still had a full moon/countdown party on Kho Phangnan and the whole of January before we arrived in Australia for February.

B, again was feeling rough so instead of heading to Ko Samui straight away, we had to hold up the fort in Khao Lak, although it was back to reality in a small dingy little cave like room and Mackers was on the menu....


Ahhhhhh, normal service has resumed.......

"A stitch in five saves fifteen or whatever" - Karl Pilkington

Krabi, part 2 was grand for the first day or two, but quickly got tiresome for me.

It was a small sea side town. Like Bray (or Blackpool if you're English) but without the cheesy amusements.

There were 4 good things of note to report from here.

1) Meeting the heroic Donny boy, a Scottish gent in his 50's doing a round the world trip.
2) Hitting Riley Beach and doing some rock climbing with an awesome New Zealand  girdle.
3) Meeting up with the Scousers (yet again) and having an awesome moment where there were 4 adult blokes on the back of a moped flying down the "motorway" with a bottle of whiskey singing "Whatever" by Oasis. Pretty awesome.
4) Met a heap of sound folk at this one little bar I became a regular at, resulting in playing Connect 4 and whooping everyone and thus putting my Tubing demons to bed. I even met a nice Galway girl, Laura, you'd swear there was a song about it, wouldn't you?

In truth, too much time was spent in this one trick town.

I got a little bit home sick here but it was quickly doused after a few calls home. First and last time I missed everyone in the Auld country.

I suppose I should talk a bit about the rock climbing. I was lying on Riley beach by myself when this lovely young lady approaches me, sits beside me and starts asking the usual questions;

How are ya? Where you from? (which she guesses herself, correctly, shocking) How long you staying for? blah blah blahhhhh....

She's actually really cool and we are chatting away for a good hour before she asks if I want to go rock climbing with her.... and who am I to say no?


My level you ask? Beginner, you say?


I'm a pro of course for the purpose of this conversation, I can't lose face here.


Rock climbing is deadly, for the little bit I done. We saw some beautiful sights and had a good laugh along the way until we get  to a point where my knee plays up.It seriously does(although don't get me wrong, I'm ferociously unfit and I ain't shying away from that) so I call it  day early. She takes my details with a view to meet up at a later date, or in Perth, where she lives, when I eventually get to Australia. Perth? Really??

Another thing off the "to-do" list :)


B has been off having  great time with a gang she met, but me? I'm bored beyond belief, it's time to move on, tomorrow is Christmas Eve, how time flies and other such cliches.

To Khao Lak with us to treat ourselves to a 5 star newly built hotel.

Sure what else would you be doing?

Another journey that will take 3 buses to get there.

Here we go again.

Short entry here but next up is ..... just all kinds of awesome.


Sssssss'later!

"When will people with iPhones realize, there is no app for loneliness?"

Heads were rough the following morning. As per usual, I had woken fairly early. This was due to the sound of my skin audibly crackling from the sunshine coming through the window. I decided to leave the hut Linda was snoring away in and try find mine now that it was daylight. It seemed to be easy enough as people had told me you could walk the entire Island in 45 minutes. Well they've never met me. 2 hours later I've given up and I'm on a couple of buckets in the Irish bar (it was the only one open) until I spot Laura and her crew and they give me directions to where I'm staying.

I get in and leave my buckets at the door, as if I was coming home from a hard days grafting and leaving my filthy work boots outside. B's not impressed at my late night excursions but I win her over by telling some hideous jokes repeatedly until she gives in.

The beach is on the cards next, technically I'd been there already the night before however this was quite a changed beach during "civilized" hours. Sunbathing, frisbee and milkshake consumption were the main activities happening here which, to be fair, I was enjoying. It was a really awesome place, not just the beach but the entire island. The girls were oiling themselves up and B was still trying to convince everyone she'd be "black" but had a lot to do to back up the statement.

Me and the Graham lad had taken a wander round taking in the views and for a moment I actually stopped and appreciated everything that was going on around me. Not having to work, in the sunshine, great people, it was all just marvellous.

Right, enough of that, now for the fun stuff.


The Irish bar, Jordan's as far as I know, was hit up again to begin the night. M150 was flying, so we're resigned to knowing this is going to be sloppy.
I find myself in a 7Eleven buying more M150 chatting with these Dublin girdles, I've invited them round to the pub but when I get there everyone has already gone. Their all in The Reggae bar.

This place is unreal. Looks like Bob Marley and Manny Pacquiao's love nest. I say this as it's doused in Reggae paraphernalia with a giant boxing or "Muay Thai" ring and everyone drinking there is eligible to fight. I want to get in as the winner gets a free bucket but no one will let due to the fact I had a head injury (from before I left Dublin, explains a lot, I know)

Step up Martin The Viking. He means serious business and as a soldier in the danish army, he means fucking business. After a bogey first round, he annihilates his opponent, poor chap. One of my funniest memories I have hands down is hi lying on the floor of the ring after the first round and sucking some whiskey bucket through a straw, getting up like Popeye on spinach and going Johnny Carthy, on the young lad who had clearly soiled himself.


To celebrate, Slinky's was hit again. I instantly lose everyone as I'm dancing on some table with a gang of girls, coz I'm a player like that, pffft. I get chatting with this girl from a place that shall not be named...... okay it's Cork. 

We end up chatting for hours before I realize what time it is and I haven't been home, again. B get's quite worried due to my child like antics that usually more often than not, get me into trouble.

I get home eventually and add to the bucket collection outside our hut. We're all good, get breakfast and go the beach again the following day, I get another massage and spend the day chilling out.

Best massage ever too.

Day becomes night, people become slobbering manics.

I end up in the company of Linda and Aoife, yet again. This time with Bernard Brogan of the Dublin GAA team and some of his mates. I tell him how much I despise the GAA as an organization and how much I love Shels. Whilst pished up. Other than that he was sound.

For the first time in Phi Phi, I lose absolutely everyone and blank out. I wake up the next morning on the bar of a drinking establishment with from my knees down soaking wet, it's not urine thank you very much but sea water and I've sand all over me. I can't help but feel I've done something stupid. I had.


I knew it was time to leave Phi-Phi when on my walk home to add to my ever growing bucket collection, where yet again I hadn't slept, everyone around having breakfast were laughing and joking and calling me "2 bucket man" or "Danny 2 buckets"

Taxi.

Next stop, Krabi again, to recover and sort our shit out before hitting Khao Lak for the Christmas.

Goodbyes were said to everyone and while everyone was all emotional, something tells me, this isn't the end for certain characters as I've found out before. Ferry and a bus ahead of us....


Same same......

"I am proof that the Darwin awards are a myth...."

Everywhere we went and everyone we met along the way assumed me and B were a couple. It was funny at first but eventually it got a bit tedious. So I should have known better when I assumed the 2 people on our bus to the port for the ferry to Phi-Phi were a couple. The Oasis loving Shaun and the beautiful Joey, both English, had just met also. That caused a lovely awkward silence, for about 8 seconds as I just can't keep my mouth shut and can talk the paint into coming down off the walls.

We're having a beer waiting for the ferry chatting away, I give the food a miss as it's crawling away from me so we get another beer instead for wheat intake. The ferry itself is probablt the best mode of transport we've taken whilst in Asia, airplanes included, which really should have worried us a lot more than it did.

B and Joey are sleeping, me and Shaun are listening to tunes and drinking some beer, pointing out the absolute knob heads posing in their XXXSmall pink tank tops with bleached hair, creatine-d to fuck, dragging their knuckles around itching for a fight.

There was quite a few, hopefully we wouldn't be seeing too much of them as I was thinking they'd more than likely get distracted by their own reflection in something like an oncoming bus.

Unfortunately, Phi-Phi has no automobiles, only push bikes or  the very odd motorbike. You can walk the entire island very handy. I was in love with it  straight away.

Laura, the scouser from Vang Vieng met us at the port, she had booked accomodation for us in the huts beside her. Shaun decided to bunk in with us and Joey went for a dorm somewhere along the strip.

The Graham fella is about with pink shorts an' all, it must be a dare!


Something quick to eat and we're out for a few buckets. I had swore blind I'd never touch another one after tubing but all of a sudden the excuses I'm using are embarrassing me even...

-It's too warm for beer (pffft)
- It's cheaper to get a bucket
-It's cheaper to get a bucket and it's buy one get one free. I have 2 hands so it makes sense....

Everyone was using "buy one take one" as they say there, to split with someone so you were basically getting a bucket half price. Not me, 2 at a time. M150 galore. In truth, I'm an idiot.


B is still feeling rough from the wine which was only the night before, it seems ages ago. We get to this bar, it's an Irish bar.

I usually hate Irish bars outside Ireland, let's face it, I've been to many a pub around my country of birth and never ever have I seen a giant leprachaun hanging out the door saying "Pog mo thoin".

That's Irish for "kiss my arse" everyone outside Ireland seems to think that's hilarious for some reason.

In danger of going on a rant here so I'll swerve and say that a lot of the gang from tubing were here. Well, The Scousers, the Vikings, the South African beauties and people who I had met briefly, Chloe and Jasmine. An awful lot of heroes here.


I find myself wandering around, lost when out of nowhere I hear that undeniable accent. Sure wasn't it only Linda and Aoife from tubing. Is everyone from that bloody place here? They're their usual selves mucking about. Aoife slagging everything that moves and Linda being too fucked to form sentences. Classy burds'!

We end up at Slinkys, it seems to be the place everyone goes after midnight.

It's a tent with a bar and a strobe light. Perfect.

I've never been a fan of beach parties or Ibiza or any of that "Shagaluf" shite, but I really enjoyed it here. Not a knob head to be found. Everyone was really really sound and drunk, oh so drunk. I find B and she still feels tired and she just doesn't seem up for it. We'd had a few beers and a few laughs earlier at the hut but it has sorta done her in. She heads back with the Shaun fella and I keep the party going.

Me, Linda and Aoife (in her patented santa hat) are having a grand auld time. Slagging people mostly.

Despite my heroics on the drinking front I manage to keep a level head, knowing what I was doing to a certain extent. The girls however are rubbished. Aoife has disappeared so me and Linda ttempt looking for her, the only problem is that Linda can't even find herself.

After convincing her she was back at her hut I walked with/carried her there and even had to open the door, this was hilarious by the way. It was then I realized I had no idea where I was. Fuck it, I was staying here for the night, I'll tackle the rest of Phi-Phi tomorrow....


Meeting more Dubliners, a Viking in a boxing ring and me and B having a mash potato eating contest in the next installment.



See yiz then.

"Playing goon pong at the Opera House? Kinda like wankin' in church, isn't it?"

There's been quite a delay since the last edition, apologies.

I'm gonna skip through Vientiane now, the only thing of note was the lads trying to rip us off when we were getting our extended Thai Visas. Luckily we were seasoned pros now and were having none of it.

Vientiane, see ya after... we were off to Krabi down south of Thailand now but first of all, we had a stop over in Bangkok for about 9 hours. Excellent.

B wants to see bloody Twilight again. Usually I'd be having none of it, but I'm tired and my bones ache so I go along with it to keep her hush. ;) What happens next is quite hilarious and saved me from having to watch a film about a young girls choice between necrophilia and beastiality.

Ching, or Chang, this sound Thai gent, over hearing us arguing about what to do for the day literally grabs us and starts directing us around the city. Floating markets on a speed boat were a highlight, even if I almost fell in the river. Never been so happy to see curtains on a boat!

We stopped for food in this little Thai garage and what d'ya know, Ching or Chang has gone and gotten us some Chang, the Red Horse of Thailand! Oh dear.....

Well one leads to ten isn't just an Irish thing it would seem. We exchange numbers with this heroic 60+ year old (even though we don't have a phone of any sort) and trod along to get our bus to Krabi. It's the only time we had been ripped off so far but feck it, ya learn from this kinda shit. It won't happen again that's for sure.

We meet an English couple of girls whose names I don't remember, Becky was one of them I think but I can't be too sure. But we buzz off them for a bit, they're off to Phi Phi though so they get their bus and they're gone. We're in Surrethani at this stage I should mention, waiting for our connecting bus. Finally get it and get dropped off in Krabi town. We find a nice place to stay in, plan is to take it ham and sleazy for our few days here then head to Phi Phi as rumor has it, a pair of Scousers are there with some other tubing buddies.

Take it easy we did, done a few boat trips, island hopping and such. Few Canadian people and one crackin' Slovak girl on it, it was good wholesome fun, which had been needed so I could show me ma I was doing more than just drinking out of plastic containers and falling over.

I think we got to see the island here that James Bond "The Man with the Golden Gun" was filmed on. Details are sketchy. One of the islands was deadly, it was a strip of sand in the sea and it disappeared at certain times during the day. Whopper.

Night markets were my favorite thing about the fairly limited Krabi. Cheap as fuck and you could see foreigners or "farang" didn't shop around here as we were getting the whole "take a photo with my baby" schpeel.


B's feeling rather down on our last night here so I done a rather nice thing if I do say so myself. I bought her a butterfly necklace ....

and 5 bottles of merlot. The most heroic part was I bought them from an underground beer baron.


5 bottles of wine later, we've invited a German couple into our room and start telling our most horrendous jokes, dunno how that happened. Beer has been introduced. Shiza!

Wake up the next morning surprisingly fresh and I'm bouncing as we're checking out to go Phi Phi, a quick trip to the port and then it's going to be a heavenly experience. My first shot at the infamous Thai islands. Yerrrah!



Next is meeting new pals and old amigos, hat-trick heroes, the Reggae bar and Slinky's...

I wuv Phi Phi!

"I had a dream about you last night, you were sitting at the side of an empty indoor Victorian style swimming pool which was being used as a train station" - Joey

It's very hard to put into words the effect that tubing had on us all. Such a simplistic idea, with such disastrous consequences. We'd gone off on our 3rd trip down the river, met more lunatics and ran into some of the same lunatics. Buckets, caterpillars, rope swings, naked bodies, general lunacy.

Most people who know me, know I'd be a pretty seasoned drinker when it comes to alcohol, but this last day I went slightly over the top (the past 4 days to be honest) They probably should have just shown clips of me tubing instead of spending millions on those "Know the one that's one too many" Diageo advertisements. In truth, I was disgraceful. Everyone was, I suppose, but I can only speak for me, and B, she was a gimp legged disaster.

I won't lie, I remember nothing else about that day tubing, except B falling off a ladder into some water and me laughing hysterically. Probably should have tried saving her. Whoops. She was alright anyway, just about.

There was a serious amount of wandering around, bull shitting to strangers and acting the maggot. Oh, I stopped another fight with the Dave fella and cut the whole bottom of my foot sticking it out the back of a moving truck. That was on the way up now that I think of it, on the way back the truck was full but this gorgeous young lady was trying to get in. Now, for those of you who don't know, I'm a gentleman, so I let her in instead of me. It was then I copped something that made it the most memorable journey ever.

A hammock.

Yes, a hammock was hanging from the inside roof. Considering this was basically the old Philippine styled jeepnies with seats either sides and nothing in the middle, except yours truly, hanging from a hammock flying down dirt tracks and talking to my imaginary dragon, it was made that bit more heroic.

More shite went down in Q-Bar and a few other shops around and eventually, for the first time in 4 days, I made it back to my hut to sleep.

They say what goes up, must come down. Well fuck me, is that the truth. I hadn't touched a drop of a bucket and after 4 hours I felt like I was being skinned alive by thousands of pencil parers. My head felt heavy as a bowling ball and like it was getting smashed with a sledgehammer. I was as weak as raped kitten.

I'm sorry about the brutal imagery, but ladies and gents, the truth hurts. Fuck me, it hurts.

Vang Vieng, the nut house of the Peoples Democratic (Laughed at) Republic of Laos, was seeing the last of us gang for now anyway.

Nicky was off to a full moon party in Ko Phangnan, Thailand, Graham and Laura were off to Phi Phi, The Jock and Andrew were hitting Cambodia and the Vikings disappeared into thin air. Everyone else we'd met along the way were gone before we could say goodbye.


So, now the long, long, oh so long journey to Vientiane. It's supposed to be a stop over but we're gonna have to get an extension on our Thai Visas so going by Laos time, we could be there a week. Lovely, a little 14 seater, I wonder how many they'll fit on this?

It's a proper shite ride back but I expected nothing less. I was a bucket of Lego, in bloody bits.

Got chatting with this Canadian on the way back. Mallory was her name. She was well pretty and dead sound too. It helped to have someone to talk to through this horrid time as B was well sick of my mug at this stage.

We decided to grab a triple room to cut the cost. It was dire. Worked out at 3 euros each a night so couldn't give out too much and I wouldn't have if I wasn't having the worst come down of my life. Fecking M150 stuff is dangerous, at one stage I thought I was dying. My life flashed before my eyes. I've had so many awful haircuts....

Anyway, I couldn't even eat my mashed potato, I hadn't had any since I left Dublin and I couldn't eat it. It's like the goblins in my head were taking the piss, making me think I wanted it, then laughing. Kind of the way kids play "keep away" with the quiet kid in school.

Things go a bit weird here, so bear with me.

There's 3 beds I'm in the middle, B is to my left and Mallory is to my right. I'm proper losing the plot, but I'm trying to keep a cool head in front of the girdles. I'm sweating buckets ( pun intended) and having serious withdrawals. Next thing I know, I'm playing "Connect 4" in my head, against myself, and losing. That's the worst part as I'm the Connect 4 master, well I was.... confusing...

B is climbing the walls thinking shes a cocker spaniel or something, I think she's caught rabies from too much kissing frogs coz she's foaming at the mouth. I'm too concerned with my own situation though. I start playing "Gas Panic" by my boys Oasis, in my head to help me through it. Worked before in Bratislava when I was seriously hungover but this was a whole new kettle of epileptic fish.....


I wake up in one of those mini spaz attacks, when you think you've been running and you fall off the Golden Gate bridge or that. I'm sweating I look around, then, I near shit meself.

I've got no clothes on, and I'm lying in Mallory's bed but get this, no Mallory.....

Oh dear.

Seems I've thrown my clothes out the window. I don't know why I'm in the other bed though, I have my theories, mostly to do with her already being gone and wanting to get away from my sweaty sheets.


Anyway, I'm still in a bundle, it's easily the worst I've ever felt, since the time I climbed Kinabalu, poxy mountains. Seriously though, it's a stinker, it isn't a hangover, it's an experience!

I have to get out for a walk, there's construction work going on here and I have enough drilling in my head without adding this to it....

Vientiane is the most boring capital city in the world. They don't even have a Mc Donalds which brings to an end my run of Mackers in foreign countries, it was 12 by the way.

I'm strolling around looking for about 6 lengths of rope when wouldn't ya know it,

"There's Dave" sitting there shootin' the breeze. Normality, a little normality.

It's at this point I realize my finger has gone septic. Damn you Dave.

I have to think quick, I've got a window of time to fix it, which was 4 days ago.

I splash out of antiseptic hand rubs and literally squirt the whole contents onto this little pinky finger (can you still call it the pinky if it's the color of a badly bruised Kermit the Frog?) Now to play the waiting game....

I'll fly through Vientiane and getting the Visas 'n that in the next edition, after that we go back to Thailand, in particular, Krabi via Bangkok.

Thanks for reading my ramblings.